


miscellany

by landfill_lady



Series: umbrella academy kinkmeme fills [5]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: :|, Incest, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Slurs, in case the relationship tags didn't tip you off i guess, rough oral
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 18:06:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18816211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/landfill_lady/pseuds/landfill_lady
Summary: Klaus glances sideways at Diego, all coy beneath his glitter-smeared lashes, and Diego just fucking loses it.





	miscellany

**Author's Note:**

> a collection of kinkmeme fills/wip snippets that aren't polished enough to warrant their own fics just yet (but also lbr if i don't publish them _somewhere_ they ain't never gonna see the light of day).
> 
> somewhat inspired by the format of thotgreeves' [excellent miscellaneous pornography](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18742072)

Diego's life at 30 doesn't look much like he'd thought it would growing up.

Ever the control freak, he'd had it all planned out, from his job (detective) to his home (a spacious condo, parking attached if at all possible) to his love life (his girl would have a nice body and a good head on her shoulders; someone like Patch, if she'd ever loosen the fuck up and let him take her out for a drink after class).

None of his plans had accounted for him washing out of academy, spending months out on the streets until he found an under-the-table janitorial gig at a local gym. But in the long run, Diego'd be hard-pressed to say he isn't the better off for it. If he hadn't crashed and burned like he did, he might have followed his father's ludicrous expectations for years longer, kidding himself into thinking they were his own dreams all the while.

Earning a living as a gym trainer might not live up to Reginald's lofty expectations but Diego is happy doing it. And sure, he might be single at the moment, but honestly dating has never been all that high up his list of priorities. He's able to pay his share of rent every month, and that's what counts. And sure, his roommate situation isn't ideal, but Klaus isn't exactly a burden.

Living with a recovering addict can be difficult, true. But Klaus' flighty nature and his poor impulse control aren't his fault (although even if they were, it'd be hard to hold them against him, endlessly charming little bastard that he is). More importantly, he keeps his end up on rent, keeping the flat clean, all that shit. Better than Diego does, honestly. After a long day's work, Diego's perfectly happy to shuffle his way into the apartment, microwave himself a burrito and then fall into bed with the greasy packaging, still fully-dressed. He can manage short-term emergency feats of handymanship when their appliances break, but routine cleaning and home improvement projects aren't really his forte.

Klaus, on the other hand, revels in them. He works less hours than Diego, but it seems like he spends all his time off bustling around their rooms, adjusting one thing or another. He has this restless energy about him, like any moment he isn't occupying himself entirely with something or other is somehow dangerous. Occasionally, this can be grating, but Diego benefits from it more often than not, whether Klaus is cooking or cleaning or overhauling their décor entirely with dollar-store fake flowers. On balance, he's probably a better roommate than Diego deserves.

It's just that he's... Well. The word "flamboyant" seems insufficient for Klaus, somehow.

Look, Diego's not a homophobe. He's actually pretty fucking woke, especially if you consider his upbringing.

He can deal with the dresses, and the makeup, and even the endless shower show-tunes. But the constant flirting is a bridge too far. Diego might be fine with his roommate's sexuality, but that doesn't mean he wants to be beat over the head with it at every available opportunity, thanks.

Diego knows he's attractive; Klaus' friends' lingering looks make that obvious enough on a pretty regular basis. So he doesn't blame Klaus for flirting with him, not really. That doesn't change the fact that it has to stop. It's been getting under Diego's skin lately, a persistent itch that he has a sneaking suspicion is going to end in tears, one way or another.

Things come to a head at the local drag bar. Klaus goes every Friday, to meet up with friends and socialize; Diego usually tags along, to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't drink anything beside soda.

It's a stupid thing that does it. Klaus glances sideways at Diego, all coy beneath his glitter-smeared lashes, and Diego just fucking loses it.

He plans what he's going to say methodically as he manhandles Klaus over to the single-stall restroom for some privacy. He'll be stern but firm, lay down the law, make Klaus see that he can't just keep doing this kind of shit. But Klaus stumbles inside, staring at Diego with wide, wet eyes, and suddenly his plans change.

Diego shoves him up against the wall roughly, reveling in the tremors running through Klaus' skinny form. He's hard beneath his slutty little miniskirt, and Diego grinds a leg in between his parted thighs, just a shade too forceful to do anything but hurt. All the same, Klaus leans into it, hips rocking forward desperately.

"You really are gagging for it, huh?" Diego breathes, a little too fascinated to be properly disgusted.

Klaus makes a hurt little noise against his mouth, eyes fluttering shut in defeat as he nods.

And just like that, Diego makes the second decision of the evening he just knows he's going to end up regretting.

"Get on your knees," he orders roughly, stepping back far enough to break contact with Klaus altogether.

Klaus' eyes open at that, peering over at Diego in confusion; Diego feels a sharp stab of irritation. Who does this uppity little bitch think he is, slinking around teasing Diego all the time, and then getting confused when he's held to his words?

"I said on your knees," he growls, impatient. "I won't ask again, Klaus."

Klaus' wide eyes take in Diego's furious expression, the hardness tenting his pants. Like he's flipped a switch, his posture goes sweetly submissive, and he sinks to his knee on the dirty tile without complaint. Diego frees himself from his jeans and stalks forward, crowding Klaus back against the wall; knots a hand in his curly hair and forces his cock past those plump, parted lips.

Klaus' mouth looks absolutely fucking pornographic stretched around Diego's girth, but Diego forces his eyes closed. This situation isn't half as gay if he can pretend it's a woman sucking him off, right? There's nothing gay about getting off on the hot, slick pressure around his cock, at least as long as he doesn't think about who it belongs to.

That is, until he slides all the way home and Klaus' facial hair scrapes against his pelvis. It's a weird sensation, one that makes Diego's gut go all squirmy with a mix of disgust and arousal, and it makes it impossible to forget that he's face-fucking a man right now.

The smart thing would be to admit defeat and pull out, get the fuck out of this sleazy bar and go find an actual girl to get his dick wet in. But Diego's gone too fucking far to turn back now. The illusion's already been thoroughly broken, so he opens his eyes, reveling in Klaus' desperate, teary-eyed arousal. The sick little bitch looks like something out of a fucking porno.

He doesn't give Klaus any time to adjust to the fullness, using the hand in his hair to fuck him on the cock in his mouth. Klaus gags and sputters, and a vicious little part of Diego thinks, good.

It feels like no time at all before he's coming, pushing in as deep as he can to force his seed down Klaus' throat. The wave of shame and disgust hit him as soon as his orgasm's crested. He pulls himself out of Klaus' mouth and stumbles backward as he fumbles his pants back up, like if he can physically distance himself enough it'll erase the line he just crossed.

_Gay_ , his mind screams at him; _gay, gay, gay. You stuck your dick in a boy and you fucking liked it, you faggot._ He can feel bile bubbling up in his throat as he stumbles out of the bathroom, ignoring the frantic rustling noises of Klaus jerking himself off under his skirt. He slams the door shut behind him and pushes them out of his mind as forcefully as possible, shoving his way over to the bar for a drink.

Just this once, Klaus can be his own fucking sober buddy.


End file.
